More about Nonviolent Communication
In our preschool we pay attention to how we communicate with each other and with children. We regularly conduct workshops and developmental processes for our staff in the field of Nonviolent Communication. Every day we learn how to respect our boundaries without violating the boundaries of others, including the youngest ones. We learn how to take care of our own needs and the needs of the children, and we explore the strategies that are available and most beneficial to us. We believe that our example is the best way to teach children. We strongly desire for them to understand their emotions and needs from an early age and to communicate them openly. We believe that there is no better prevention for mental disorders. The language of the giraffe, which is personal and speaks about our feelings, devoid of judgments, criticism, and preconceived assumptions about others, aligns with the Montessori pedagogy. Montessori approach does not involve grading, punishment, rewards, or control through praise or reprimands. As Marshall Rosenberg wrote: “The idea of Nonviolent Communication is simple and can be summed up in two questions. First: What is alive in you right now? Second: What will enrich your life and make it more fulfilling? Learn to speak honestly about these things, avoiding judgments and criticism. Nonviolent Communication is about transmitting information that arises from these questions to the listener and empathetically receiving the information they provide in return.”
We always strive to understand before seeking understanding from others. We examine what lies behind children’s behavior and how their unmet needs manifest in the form of outbursts of anger, meltdowns, saying “I hate you,” or withdrawing from contact. We respect our own needs and the needs of the children entrusted to us. In our language, we avoid labeling (polite, impolite, obedient, etc.), judging, and subtle manipulations. We are maturing to seek understanding in respect for the differences that separate us, rather than asserting our own opinions (relation over being right). It is challenging work, but interacting with children fosters our development in this area. It is one of the most beautiful gifts that children offer to adults.
We allow children to independently resolve conflicts among themselves, intervening only when emotions overwhelm and the situation threatens to escalate. We employ the method of mediation introduced by Maria Montessori, using the so-called “peace rose.” It can be a flower or any other object. The conflicted children take turns holding the rose (figurine, feather, seashell, etc.), and the person holding the object talks about the difficult situation and their feelings while the other listens. Then, they switch roles. Everyone gets a chance to express themselves, and everyone also listens to the other side. Sometimes, this alone is enough to calm the emotions. Other times, children find a solution (like sharing something or changing the rules of a game), and apologies are given in some cases (only voluntarily). Occasionally, they decide to take a break from each other. In this approach, there is no place for an adult to act as a judge, no guilty parties or victims. Instead, there is room for mutual understanding and learning peaceful cooperation in the future.